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For gods sakes, people, and you wonder why the populace has a negative opinion of us?

-Mordax
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Ben is my favorite character on LOST but I never felt more connected to him than at this moment in that penultimate episode. Mild mannered school-teacher Ben has just received a jolt of the memories of his past self/alternate life, and is left reeling, trying to make sense of it. He saw a different man- who he'd be in different circumstances; who he HAD been; darker- cunning ruthless; and is trying to reconcile it with himself. Trying to decide what it means if he believes it. He looks at his face in the mirror, trying to see himself in it.

I've been there.

-Mordax
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So you've got your character's right? And for some reason the capricious winds of fate have yanked them from their lives, and put them in another world. Their memories dormant, their powers sealed, their bodies totally unlike what they were before. Then, they start to remember who they were, and connect with one another.

Wait a minute, that sounds kinda familiar, don't it?
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As the series is ending, LOST is getting more and more kin-relevant.

LOST

Apr. 8th, 2010 06:52 pm
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This season of LOST really pushes my 'kin buttons, for reasons that should be obvious to anyone watching. Es specially the Desmond plot. :)

-David
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Peter watched as his friends died, or went silent, and the new followers lacked understanding, and became people that he despised,
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I feel like Morpheus, and that statement kind of makes me feel ill.

I received an email inquiry about my mazoku post on the Slayers comm. Asking me if I was serious. Saying that the whole thing just clicked for them. I told them yes, I was serious, and went on to discuss it in a little more detail, but I did have a warning for them.

"If you like where [your life] is headed, and you want it to stay the same- forget about this. Go do something else, and pretend you never saw my post. Going forward with this could be extremely detrimental to your social life and/or mental health in the eyes of the world."

It felt bullshit to say, but it was the truth, and it needed to be said.

But I hope I hear from them again.

-Mordax
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***Self***

The past, what, week and a half, has been a special kind of purgatory for me; a kind of experience many of you reading this could only imagine. My detractors would say that I could only imagine it as well. Before this, I was nearly ready to agree with them.

I don’t know how many of you are really aware of this, but for a while now it’s been an open secret that I, the Digimon Kaizer, was previous to that life, a mazoku in service to Xelloss and Lord Beastmaster. Some of you don’t even know what that is. I doubt any of you know what it really means.

More than a thousand years ago I sold my soul to the mazoku at the price of power and eternal life. While it was a major transition, it was really only another step down a path I had been walking since my early childhood. It was Beast Priest Xelloss who started me on the path of sorcery, and it was he who took me further down the path of destruction when he made me his true servant shortly before the kouma war.

Never in all those years of that life, or the accidental next, did I regret that transformation and bonding. Indeed thoughts of my master have often buoyed my flagging spirits in these my years bound to a human body. I await with anticipation the day that my master can break my chains and restore me to my rightful place by his side.

***Madness***
However, the mazoku spirit and the human brain/mind/body are almost catastrophically incompatible. Those of you who have seen Slayers know what happened to the Demon Dragon King Gaav. Imprisoned in a mortal shell for incarnation after incarnation he went mad from his conflicting human and mazoku urges and turned on the mazoku. He had his memories, his powers, and his servants, but still each successive identity, each birth and death made its mark upon his mind.

I on the other hand, am exiled here, a thousand universes from the world of Lord Ruby Eye; in a place where all of my magic can not light a candle.; can not summon a single imp. A world where the voice of my master is a whisper in my head that no other person can hear and I am hard-put to distinguish from the whisperings of my own mind.

Is it any surprise then, that as this body ages and matures my mind falls into that pattern the body has set for it? In a world where I am ridiculed and declared mad for service to my true nature, and can do nothing, NOTHING to prove its veracity, even to myself, is it a wonder that the lull of this body’s urges start to erode my will?

With even my master’s voice in absence for nearly a year, over the last few months the siren call has grown steadily more appealing.

***Doubt***
 
I have never, not even in my recent, darkest hours wondered whether or not I was evil. I am evil; I am vice and viciousness and wicked wonder. But when no one around you believes that you are a demon, and there’s no proof such a thing ever existed, it is easy to question whether or not you are one. And the body seizes on the moment of existential doubt and asks ‘even if you are a mazoku, what does it matter here and now? Disregard the voice in your head that says it is your master and maker and live life by your own agenda’.

The human mind is not built to serve; it is built first and foremost to survive, and secondly to lead. It is easy to swear reverence to an absent master who asks nothing of you.

But when a voice you can hardly understand returns after a long absence and gives you difficult, and time consuming orders, it is easy to bitterly decide that the voice is your own mind. For the body to tell you to do as you like.

***Purgatory***

Last week my mind was at war. The mazoku in me was overjoyed at my master’s sudden return and ready to do anything in his name; but the sullen, independent human was bitter and rebellious, and ready to stick its fingers in its ears and pretend that I heard nothing.

I was distraught. My last really conscious thought was begging, pleading with Xelloss to do something. Show me that I was really a mazoku, burn the human weakness from my soul; show me that he was truly my master.

After that I remember only fragments. Pain, mostly, and the idea of being pursued. But mostly searing, soul cleansing pain. And finally my master’s embrace.

I write now to you as a creature without self-doubt. With time, perhaps they will creep in again but for now: I am become chaos, destroyer of worlds.

And it’s party time.

-Mordax
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For finding me this Badass quote.

"Anything can be real. Every imaginable thing is happening somewhere along the dimensional axis. These things happen a billion times over with the exact same outcome and no one learns anything. Whatever a person can think, imagine, wish for, or believe has already come to pass."
— Eoin Colfer, And Another Thing
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On the Causes and Effects of Awakening Early in the Life of a Popular Work

When I saw James Cameron’s Avatar, I knew for a fact that it was going to awaken at least some people; possibly a lot of people. The movie had a lot of elements that help trigger an awakening: powerful visual imagery; unearthly flora and fauna, even transhuman spirituality. And enough people saw it that odds are, if there were slumbering Avatar-kin out there, they were going to see it, and be moved by it.

Its obvious to me at least that the more people exposed to something the more likely it is that one of them will turn out to be kin of it; not because seeing it makes them kin, but because they were already out there, but didn’t know who they were until they saw it.

cut to spare your friends list. Click for the rest. )

Ps. sorry to anybody on my flist who sees this three times.
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Throughout the years Mordax and I have highlighted a lot of really negative things said about otakukin here. Today, I have the happy privaledge of sharing something really positive.

Here's an email that we received this morning; I've removed all personal information.

Hi there; I came across your website while looking for information about Otakukin, a word I had never seen before today (found it mentioned on Wikipedia).
Firstly, congratulations on a well set-up website. I learned all I needed to know, quickly and easily.
Secondly, regarding the mental health of the Otakukin fraternity - I noticed today that members of the Sunni branch of Islam were slashing themselves and their children with swords, razors, etc to commemorate the martyrdom of one of their sect's founders, centuries ago. Shortly afterward, a member of a rival sect blew himself and a large number of Sunnis to bits because he disagreed with them. These folk are all members of a respected mainstream religion.
By comparison, the absolute worst thing that can be said about Otakukin as an idea, philosophy, lifestyle or whatever is that they are agreeably nutty.. In my opinion the world would definitely be a happier place with a lot more Otakukin and a lot less religious crazies.
More power to you!
:)
overlord_mordax: (Default)
Leave me a comment saying "I want to be evil."

I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can get to know you better (probably people I don't speak to all the time, XD).

Update your journal with the answers to the questions.


Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions.

1.You've seen your fair share of fandom wangst, and I'm sure you're in other fandoms, besides Digimon. What do you think was the biggest fandom blow up?


The biggest plain old fandom blowup I've ever been a part of (in fact in this case I was the instigator) is, as Fandom Wank called it "Terry Pratchett Murders and Grinds Up Stories". I was trying to make a point about how deconstruction/satire of story elements that are supposed to be held as wondrous and enchanting creates a cynical attitude and feeling. Unfortunately I was evidently insane when I wrote it didn't phrase myself very well and I came off sounding naive and ill informed, and then when I was attacked thusly in comments, I stayed around to fight. And I *kept* fighting and made a spectacle of myself in front of the internet. It was all rather amusing, but frustrating to argue with people who had already made up their minds about what I was trying to say, and wouldn’t listen when I tried to tell them what I was actually saying.

Plus, I got called a "vampire fundie" which is hilarious. I prefer the term "vampire purist". XD

2. I've seen that keeping my journal public, especially entries involving the Otherkin, can lead to massive problems personally. (Namely, that my kin have been used as ammunition against me). So I guess my question here is: why do you keep yours public

To be fair, keeping my journal open probably causes me more problems then it solves. On the other hand I'm not one bit ashamed of who or what I am and I'll have at it with anyone who thinks that I should be. As the Major in Helsing famously said, "Gentlemen, I love war." I love to argue philosophy, politics, religion, hell, I just love to argue, and no position is better than that of righteous indignation when someone insults your beliefs, out of ignorance, especially. At the end of the day I don't care whether Troll#967 agrees with me or not, so long as he leaves knowing that I don't "think I can shoot kamehameha out my butt" or am at risk of jumping off a building because I think I can fly. To quote xkcd "someone is wrong on the internet!" and its one of my petty joys in life to correct them at length. I good bout with trolls really gets the blood pumping and keeps my wits sharp. Plus, as I've said before, I'm a narcissist who's in love with the sound of their own voice.

David can, and does, lock his own posts; and I'll keep crossing swords with Anonymous.

3. What's the scariest memory trigger you've had from a past life?

Whoo boy, from a lighthearted one back to one in the deep pit of despair. The scariest memory event I've had was the first one, when I was 14 and didn't know what the hell was going on. I had nightmares that had me on the edge of a nervous breakdown. As I've said on my website, I basically relived a version of the events of Digimon 02 eps 20-21; the fall of the kaizer. But I've already talked that one to death; you can read about it on my website under "experiences" if you like.

I'll tell you about a different one that happened to me just a few years ago. I'm a pedestrian; I don't drive at all. I was walking with my brother Trevor over to the house of a friend of mine. It's a good walk, probably 2, 2 and half miles. 90% of the way there, there's a big, wide road that's always particularly busy, and the drivers don't tend to respect walkers very much, and will try to turn even when you're in the middle of the street and the sign says "walk". Well, the sign said "walk" and my brother took a step out into the road. All of a sudden, and with a feeling of almost physical force, I relived Osamu's death in an instant. It just passed right before my eyes. The car he was hit by, books flying, his stupid glasses laying on the pavement. Sobbing for him to be okay. Back in the real world 'm surprised I didn't freaking collapse. I *did* grab my current brother's wrist and pull him back for no damned reason. We had to wait for the next light. He already thinks I'm a freak, so at least I didn't have to explain to him why my heart was racing and my hands were shaking. It was a terrifying experience that made me feel incredibly stupid and embarrassed for freaking out for no reason in broad daylight.

4. If you could change one thing about yourself, appearance/personality/something that happened in your past, what would it be and why?

Toss up.
If I could change it just like that? I'd want to be male. I've never been comfortable in a female body, but cosmetic surgery just isn't the answer.

If I couldn't have that I'd want my brother to have been a sane, normal human being, responsibility for whom wasn't thrust on me at a young age. But maybe that’s asking too much.

5. if you could add one feature to the internet, what would it be? (And, of course, why). Me, personally, I'd like to add the "reach out and punch someone in the face through the monitor" feature, but technology's not quite there yet.

Food delivery service. I saw it on the Super Mario Super Show when I was like 6- they typed Pizza into the computer, and it printed out an edible pizza. That would just be awesome.

Musings

Nov. 21st, 2009 04:56 pm
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Sometimes its disappointing to find out what other people really think of you. But then again, they're fools, and you can either suffer them or not.

Failing to do so can become very lonely.

-Mordax

Pareidolia

Oct. 20th, 2009 11:27 pm
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So, the last couple of days I've been on facebook because an old friend tracked me down on it and invited me to a tabletop roleplay. YAY But of course in the mindless way that one does on the internet, I've been playing with the bells and whistles. This means stupid quizzes and a shaved-down mafia rp sim that tries to extract money from you every two seconds. But today, today I got a virtual fortune cookie.

Greer opened a fortune cookie and his fortune was:

"You have a curious smile and a mysterious nature."



And I know it's trite, and a random generation of a fortune cookie from a list of maybe (at best) a couple hundred fortunes does not signify some cosmic meaningful communication from an otherworldly entity, but when I see that message, I can't help but smile, and remember that even though I haven't seen or heard from him in a while, that Xelloss is out there, and I still matter to him, and he still matters to me.

Your soppy romantic mazoku,

-Mordax

Names

Oct. 14th, 2009 02:29 pm
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I have had Hurakr's (generally spelled Huraker, but I'd swear to anyone it's not supposed to have the 'e') name stuck in my head for the past several days. This seems to serve no useful purpose, but if anyone knows why I've got Dolphin's priest on the brain please let me know.

-Mordax
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"Mein Vater, mein Vater, und hörest du nicht,
Was Erlenkönig mir leise verspricht?" —


"Ich liebe dich, mich reizt deine schöne Gestalt;
Und bist du nicht willig, so brauch ich Gewalt." —
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I think something is wrong between here and the Red World of the Lord of Nightmares.

And I have no idea what to do about it.

-Mordax

(signing my posts again, since David seems to be back into posting

Gosh!

Jul. 23rd, 2009 07:53 am
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You know someone is doing their job horribly wrong when Fandom wank is taking your side, and you're an otakukin.

I'm beginning to think this Xelloss character is someone I know

*eyes friendslist suspiciously*

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